From time to time we just open our eyes, we start asking ourselves millions and millions of questions about us, about what is around us, about who we are and what we do! We feel abandoned even if we are surrounded by the ones that we care about, we feel lonely, sad and feel like the entire universe is against us! We are getting deeper and deeper into this state of mind, not finding answers to any of our questions! We are stuck in a moment, we just measure the amount of tears running down our face not knowing when they are going to stop... We are just waiting for a miracle to happen. We are waiting for this horrible state of mind to pass by itself cause no matter how much we try it doesn't want to go away until the game is over!
In such a crazy state of mind we wish nobody would knew us, nobody would want to know if we good or not. We just swallow our own tears and pain hoping that something will happen out of the blue and all our sorrow will fly away! We all have one way or another to deal with things. Some cry their heart out, some eat, some just take long walks and others, who knows? In the end we all hope for the miracle!
Reasons? We all have our own and we all stop for a moment and we all stare at our lives not knowing towards where to go! We see the finish line but we are trapped in a maze!
For me, I don't know what's the real cause. Too many things in the same time, they are making me feel empty inside like never before! Though there are more goods than bad seems like the balance is showing me only the bad... wish I could see only the good, wish I didn't cry so more, wish I didn't feel like all is falling apart but I do and I can't say no to these thoughts! They are driving me crazy every second and they don't want to go!
It's not something that I feel for a long time, just for a few hours but I so wish they could go away forever! Like everyone, I'm waiting for the sun to shine. Even if it's late in the night I want to see the light and smile again from the bottom of my heart, like I used to... I want to be again the one that sends only positive energy to all around, the forever optimist one!
I know that by morning I will feel different, at least I hope so!
Miracle.. just a simple word with so much to say! Just like hope, like love, like hate, like LIFE!
I only know what I want but sometimes I feel like I got lost on the way and I can't find the road back!
When I think of the moments that I felt the same I ask, how long did it takes me to get back on track? One event made be like this for a few months, others just for a few hours, but I have learned one thing: they all go away one day or another! That miracle is on its way and it will happen when the time is right!
"Life can be so difficult at times, but fighting through the pain is so worth it. It's better to feel every kind of emotion than not feel at all" - Demi Lovato - she is so right! Only if we all knew how to do this when we have to! Can we really look deep into our souls like a stranger? Can we detach from what's inside and analyze every bit of it without thinking that this is our soul that we are dissecting? Can we really see afterwords what is there to see?
I'm just watching the rain outside, trying to think... if I go out will someone see that I am crying? I wish not! I wish I could pretend so well, I wish I could be the best actress, smile like I am the happiest woman on earth and so no one could notice the dark in my eyes and the sadness in my soul! I don't even know why I feel like I do! Nobody knows and nobody will! All I know is that I wish for the rain to stop and for my tears to dry out! I wish that miracle would happen right now! I wish to be like I always am! I wish I could dictate to my heart, tell her to erase what's inside, forget every moment and move on, I wish I could tell her to let the brain take over and control the situation cause she is so blind sometimes!
To whoever that might think I'm annoying or any negative perceptions that you see on me, I'm sorry. I feel really sad if someone that used to be so closed change and not be there when I need them like I'm just a human being, I'm always always struggling myself to be better than before but I make mistakes either.
But hey, tomorrow is another day and miracles can happen in a blink of an eye kan?? in shaa Allah. People might easily thought that by being grateful and thanked to all the blessings will make you happy all the time. Well, words will only be words. Maybe I'll be able to smile in the next second and think of the fact that my 1st semester result will be coming out this Friday! There must be something good will happen sooner or later and I know, Allah maha adil :)
p/s: I realized that society isn't suck, people that judging and not knowing your true stories are suck.